Aussie Tourist Board

[fatherted]

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you`ve been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney â€" can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
A: Sure, it`s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not … Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we`ll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do…
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys` Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in > Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and > make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It`s a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It`s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you`ll have to learn it first

[Can the Man]

I love it Ted, I will have to visit Kings cross on a Tuesday for the hippo racing and the Vienna boys choir