Author Topic: I didn't know whether to post this in Jokes or Naturism :)  (Read 3112 times)

Offline Can the Man

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I didn't know whether to post this in Jokes or Naturism :)
« on: August 21, 2012, 14:10:25 pm »
Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I  decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out  trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's  birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working  in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office  types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving  some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. 
Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was  replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as  like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting  the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent  burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Stuggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of  in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of  hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across  the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible  and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.

I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around
in the draw for something  else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.
I grabbed a  bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open  trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my a r s e.

This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up  the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's  engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my  life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which  should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was  greeted by the sight of me, a r s e in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my a r s e while  muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "

Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in  myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

I can understand that having a sprout f a r ted against your leg at 11 at  night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was  expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the  strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status....

So to  sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect.......

 :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P  :P

Offline fatherted

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Re: I didn't know whether to post this in Jokes or Naturism :)
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2012, 16:08:48 pm »
Absolutely classic,I've not laughed as much in years

Offline conniebee

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Re: I didn't know whether to post this in Jokes or Naturism :)
« Reply #2 on: August 21, 2012, 18:11:17 pm »
Nice one Can. Hubby is quite anti=forum now but I got him to read it and even he cracked a smile. Ta ! :P

Offline welltrimmed

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Re: I didn't know whether to post this in Jokes or Naturism :)
« Reply #3 on: September 06, 2012, 12:19:12 pm »
hahaha, had a little giggle to myself.

Mr Welltrimmed can sympathise with you a lot as he (and others) have gone through the same.
Mr W uses Louis Marcel Hair Removal Mousse without any ill effects.

See post http://www.fuerteventura-forum.com/index.php?topic=6414.0 for some ideas.

Mrs W